she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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