paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
