i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
