Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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