I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
