on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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