I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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