Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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