Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
