When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
