You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
