Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
