Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
