Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
