We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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