guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
