never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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