If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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