The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
