you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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