my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
