can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
