If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
