cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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