I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
