She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
