Pappa wants mamma naked
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize