but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is the high leading the old right now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
