I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
