i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
