I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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