he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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