I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
