Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
