allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize