I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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