please come you make the beer taste better
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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