thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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