This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
