Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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