I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
