Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
