My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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