I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
