I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
