still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
