and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
