$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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