i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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