I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
