12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
