How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
