I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
