you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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