It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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