Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Mom said you looked used
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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