Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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