chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
