should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
