Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
