just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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