I love black thongs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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