And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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