Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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