haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
