I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
