My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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