What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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