I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
