dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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