Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
