just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
