i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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