my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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