Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
