Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
