How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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