You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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