I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
