I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
