You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ketchup is God's man juice
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
